Spring is in the air and college is on the mind of many seniors across the country. Some seniors have made their college choices, some are waiting for more decisions, and many are comparing and awaiting financial aid offers. In the next three weeks or so, seniors should finish receiving college decisions. Then they will need to make their own choices. Here are a few things for seniors and their families to keep in mind.
The new school year is well underway. It is an exciting time for high school students especially; the new school year brings with it several rites of passage in the school setting. For juniors, that means it’s time to start thinking more deeply about their college plans, though students react differently to this stage. There are juniors who are ready to embrace the college search process while others are not there yet. Here at Westtown School, our College Counseling office is reminding our juniors that “any way you are feeling about college is completely fine.” These experts put together a list of what they think juniors in high school really should do right now and what they could do, but is less pressing.
SHOULD
Work hard in their classes! Get back into the habit of in-person classes and assessments.
COULD
Go the extra mile in their classes and challenge themselves (within reason) to improve learning and, possibly, their grades.
SHOULD
Continue to do their activities or join some new clubs and expand their extra-curricular experiences if they did not have many last year because of the pandemic.
COULD
Take on leadership positions in chosen activities. Get more involved in existing activities. They could lead a fundraiser, plan an assembly, or sponsor or lead a service project, for example.
SHOULD
Juniors should attend at least one college visit at school this fall. College representatives are back in the practice of visiting high schools, so touch base with the college counseling office to see what colleges are scheduled to come to the school.
COULD
Attend several college visits at their school, and begin to think about colleges they want to visit in person.
SHOULD
Juniors should consider, along with their college counselors, if they need to take the SAT or the ACT this fall or winter. Testing in the fall is a good idea for those who want to be recruited athletes. (See when the PSAT is scheduled at school or locally.) All juniors should take at least one SAT or ACT this school year. Some like to try both.
COULD
Start to plan testing and do test prep (very optional).
Now that we’re safely past November 1, when almost all seniors have had at least one deadline, you may be wondering what happens next. Here are some tips for you.
If you are either a current 9th or 10th grader or the parent of one, it is likely that college prep has or will soon come up in conversations. Realizing this, Westtown School’s Director of College Counseling visited our ninth and tenth-grade students in early February and shared these thoughts about college.
At this point, our recommendations about college are always about how to make the most of high school. We want students to work hard and learn a lot, not just because strong grades look impressive to colleges, but because the learning you gain along the way will make you a better student and a more interesting person. Looking good is nice, but if you go through high school trying to merely look good (for college or anyone else) instead of being your full self, you won’t have a very satisfying experience.
When your teenager is grumpy, monosyllabic and irritable, do you find yourself taking it personally, and then, perhaps, even confronting them about it only to find it may have made things worse? Please keep in mind that their grouchiness almost always has nothing to do with you. The answer is to not engage, yet our temptation is to over engage! Here are some tips for staying out of our teenager’s moods and allowing them to get on with the important business of adolescent development:
There are many advantages to getting older, and I am actually a big fan of this, my fifth, decade because I can boldly say, “In over 30 years of working with teenagers…” and feel like I finally have the expertise to express opinions without any official statistics. So, here goes: In my 30 years of working with teenagers, I have found they often feel annoyed by their parents’ insistence that they “know them.” There are two themes that run through this resentment. The first is how counter this feels to the adolescent need for privacy and separation from their parents. The second is how rapidly teenagers change their minds, their interests, their direction, their values, their persona, and even their personality.
Our teenagers are hardier than we give them credit for. Hardiness, resilience, grit, and tenacity are qualities we know our teenagers need to possess in order to succeed in a competitive world. But often we act in ways that interrupt the growth of these vital characteristics. When we overreact to the curveballs thrown in everyday life, or over invest in the belief that all things should be fair and just, we are short changing our teenagers from learning the tougher lessons necessary to survive and thrive in a demanding society. Protecting our teenagers from realities, consequences, hurt, and injustices may feel instinctive, but is actually counter to building strong character. The problem is we feel their pain in a profound and overwhelming way, so not only are we trying to protect our teenagers, but we also try mightily to protect ourselves from a whole host of co-dependent feelings. The trick is to focus on our own reactions to their discomfort, let go, and have faith that they will handle their uncomfortable feelings on their own. Here are some tips on doing just that:
As parents, we are often frustrated that our teenagers do not get it. The it in this case is usually some version of adult responsibility or point of view. I am often struck by just how disparate the teenager and adult worlds are, yet, we grown-ups forget what it feels like to be a teen, and at the same time, expect teens to know what it feels like to be an adult, even though they haven’t experienced adulthood yet. Additionally, what drives, motivates, and worries adults is different than what drives, motivates and worries teenagers.
Anyone who has ever been married or in a long-term partnership, whether successfully or not, can attest to the fact that good relationships take time, effort and practice. It may be hard to imagine that the mercurial nature of your teenager’s dating experiences may actually be helpful and healthy.
Yet, the teenage years potentially provide a variety of rehearsal relationships. Here are four ways to support your teen as they navigate this new, and challenging social territory:
As a dean at an independent school, I sometimes have to call parents and tell them their child is in my office and has broken a major school rule. Sometimes, in their shock and dismay, a parent will say something like “how do you know it was my child?” and I can typically report back that their child told me the truth about whatever situation we are dealing with. Teenagers need quite a bit of room in order to tell the truth. Ironically, those parents who insist their child never be interviewed alone, or that their child never lies to them, are often surprised to find out that it is easier for me to get to the truth than it is for them. The only magic in my method is that I am not their parent, and perhaps I give them more space for honesty. First, let’s explore why teenagers lie in the first place:
